and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
