you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
