I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
