I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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