When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
