pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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