my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
