You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I queefed so loud it echoed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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