She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
