The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
