The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
