When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
