I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
