"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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