Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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