one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I want is dick and wine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
