i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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