I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
