i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
