Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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