god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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