Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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