my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
