They should really pass out barf bags in church
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
