Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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