Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
