I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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