he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
