Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize