she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
