i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
