Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
