i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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