There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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