In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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