the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
