Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
