is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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