the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
