Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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