Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.