You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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