my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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