he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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