hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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