Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
