Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
