as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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