Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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