mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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