I seem to have left my pride at pride
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
