lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
