I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My vagina just clenched in fear
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
