you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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