Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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