I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
